i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
