i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize