its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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