I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
