Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.

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  (817): I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that. http://tfl.nu/nbo5
  Replies (27) Good night (1012) Bad night (5738)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

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  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (12885) Bad night (1861)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.

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  (404): So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B. http://tfl.nu/ianl
  Replies (28) Good night (1350) Bad night (6112)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name

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  (970): At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name http://tfl.nu/d4zs
  Replies (12) Good night (3940) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea

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  (850): I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea http://tfl.nu/d42k
  Replies (18) Good night (5847) Bad night (1097)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So squirting runs in the family.

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  (603): So squirting runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/x29o
  Replies (16) Good night (4068) Bad night (1531)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos

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  (518): Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos http://tfl.nu/5fyh
  Replies (2) Good night (2230) Bad night (951)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.

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  (248): Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'. http://tfl.nu/4pwa
  Replies (10) Good night (5644) Bad night (938)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I will give you all my nachos to make this happen

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  (480): I will give you all my nachos to make this happen http://tfl.nu/ghnu
  Replies (4) Good night (1278) Bad night (612)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit

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  (501): somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit http://tfl.nu/n1zz
  Replies (3) Good night (1367) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES

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  (815): THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES http://tfl.nu/zxql
  Replies (7) Good night (910) Bad night (868)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt

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  (717): im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt http://tfl.nu/5q8i
  Replies (5) Good night (546) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?

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  (+61): Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace? http://tfl.nu/wr2n
  Replies (4) Good night (925) Bad night (418)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual

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  (518): I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual http://tfl.nu/lllr
  Replies (1) Good night (575) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.

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  (703): You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk. http://tfl.nu/3xuk
  Replies (0) Good night (932) Bad night (371)

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