paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
