oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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