sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey