If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.