I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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