He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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