Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
