I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
