I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
