I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
