I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
