No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
