You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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