is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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