dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
