so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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