Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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