dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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