when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize