Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
