Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
