He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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