that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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