I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
