consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
