How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
