yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
