he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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