Buhtt sex?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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