Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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