You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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