dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
