I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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