I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
