I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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