Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
