once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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