I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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