wrigley field is MILF paradise
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
