its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
