we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
