I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
