In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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