I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
