Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
