how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
