I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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