i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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