Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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