i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
