I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
