I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize