There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
