Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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