who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize