roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
