Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
