she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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