Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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