Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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